What it's like.

So this blog is sometimes picture-heavy, sometimes has art lesson plans for kids, but sometimes is just a place where I tell you about my life and what it feels like.

I was talking to my mom tonight, and she asked me about my day - my first day of painting at a new mural job. She asked if I was scared. You know what? I was scared. I guess I always kind of am. Before and during the very first brushstrokes can be a terrifying time. 

My inner voice says:  "WAIT! DON'T!! YOU'RE MESSING UP SOMEONE'S WALL AND WHAT IF IT'S WEIRD OR YOU CAN'T PAINT GOOD TODAY AND THEY DON'T LIKE IT AND YOU HAVE TO RE-PAINT THEIR WALLLLLL!!"

I had just scribbled with brown paint all across their wall - sketching in everything and where it will go. And the voice starts in... "SCRIBBLES!!! PEOPLE ARE PAYING YOU MONEY FOR THIS...."

But I put in my headphones, pick up the brush, and soon I am lost in the "flow". Things start happening on the wall without my thinking about them consciously. My brain stops and my hands and eyes take over. I'm seeing things, but I hear no voice - no self-talk - no doubt. I think everyone experiences this "flow" for different things in their lives. My "thing" is painting, but other people might experience this when they run, or dance, or play tennis, or anything else that makes you just tune out everything else and focus on your "thing". Even if what you're tuning out, is yourself.

Bravery isn't about not being scared. It's about being scared and doing it anyway. Making that first brown scribble on a perfect, beige wall - knowing that now there's no going back. The self-doubt and the fear are not things I've gotten over. I think I'll always have that initial terrifying moment. But I always eventually find the "flow" and along with it, the trust in myself that "flow" will carry the project through. These scribbles will inevitably turn into something much cooler. It's ok to be scared, but try to be brave also, and do your best to trust yourself. 

Today the wall is brown. Tomorrow, I add greens! Stay tuned for a picture-heavy post. ;)

Art Career Rambling....

So I'm by no means already "making it" as a full-time artist.  I haven't yet "arrived" at the place I want to be with my career.  But, I can say that the last couple months have been busy as hell, and when I pull myself out of my art-cave to take a breather, I realize "hey, I'm not a Barista anymore, and I'm keeping a full schedule on making murals and teaching art!"  I am my own Boss.  That, to me, is an incredible personal victory.  Even though this insane busy-ness has only lasted for a couple months, I'm trying to keep the momentum going and the dream alive and well fed.  I know there will be slower times where I'm not working as much, and times that are even busier than the last month.  I repeat, by no means am I already THERE, but it feels amazing (if it's not too cheesy and cliche to say this...) to know that I am following my heart.   I feel I am on the right path, putting one foot in front of the other.  Along the way,  I think it's important to stop and look around every once in awhile, and appreciate where I've been able to get to thus far.  In this economy, a person is lucky to have a job that keeps food on their table.  I'm lucky enough to be in a situation where I was able to actually pursue my passion, and go to school to study it.  And now, I am in a situation where I don't have any huge debts, child care costs, or bad mortgages keeping me from taking the giant leap to ACTUALLY TRY.  I am actually trying really, really hard.  I'm trying to build a life for myself where I will be happy and fulfilled in my work that I do for a living.  I figure, it will be OK if I fail and have to move onto something else, as long as I know I tried as hard as I could to make my #1 first choice career happen for myself.  Because why not?  If you're in a creative field, check out this article on goal-setting to make your career happen.  It's baby steps.  It's knowing where you want to go, and putting one foot in front of the other until you get there.  Good luck to us all!

Hoya Vine Mural

 The Hoya plant, a succulent creeper vine with fragrant, delicate flowers, has graced this sitting room for a long time.  My job, was to celebrate the plant by continuing its vines all along the big bay windows in the room.  I really loved the final look of this, especially in the areas where the real vine was growing right over my painted vines!  Another creative take on a mural with 3-d elements.  My mural clients are always amazing me with their great ideas, and I'm always happy to help bring them to life.

 I recently got interviewed by someone about what I do, and she asked me, "What do you think about when you paint a mural?".  "Nothing, if I can help it!"  I told her.  I like to listen to podcasts or music with lots of lyrics, so that my mind won't have room to start thinking it's own thoughts, but just listen to others'.  If I think too much about what I'm doing, over-analyzing, second guessing and trying to rationalize my creative decisions, it can take me out of my "flow" and ruin things.  Of course there are times when I have to really think when I'm painting, to figure out perspective or something, but I guess what I mean is that I try to eliminate negative or doubting "self-talk" that is not constructive, and just trust in my own instincts as much as possible.

Having recently been asked about all this, while I was painting this mural, I observed my emotions more closely.  When I'm painting a mural, especially a repetitive one like this one, my brain and body go in and out of a trance-like meditation.  Is this what runners feel when they are running at their best? "Bliss", "Flow", "Meditation", whatever you want to call it, I am grateful to experience it in my own way.