Art and Fear

"Art and Fear" by David Bayles and Ted Orland. Have you read it? If not, I recommend it for all you creative-types. It was assigned to me by more than one professor while I was in college. Here's a quote:

“To require perfection is to invite paralysis. The pattern is predictable: as you see error in what you have done, you steer your work toward what you imagine you can do perfectly. You cling ever more tightly to what you already know you can do – away from risk and exploration, and possibly further from the work of your heart. You find reasons to procrastinate, since to not work is to not make mistakes.”

I feel like those words really ring true for anyone who's ever gone through the creative process - in any artistic medium. Here's how it plays out for me: I feel like my creative energy is like money in a bank. I spend it in different ways - painting, beading, sewing, re-doing furniture, etc. etc. I will wither and die if I don't get this energy out somehow! I know that sounds dramatic, and it is, but that's kind of how it feels. I spend a lot of this energy on projects that I'm working on for a client or a boss. Today I reclaimed some of that energy to use on a painting just for myself. No client, no one else's aesthetic to attend to but my own. The possibilities are so wide open for this big blank canvas that is just MINE. I'm working on an ongoing series of paintings I've been making since I got home from the Peace Corps. I've got 9 paintings now, and countless drawings for more. Though I have been working on other series too during that time (Literary Heroines - both series can be seen here), 9 paintings is not a whole lot for me to have done since 2010. It's sometimes so paralyzing to start a painting in this series. Just like the quote says, I end up procrastinating and working on other things because this series is SO CLOSE and important to me, that I'm afraid to ruin it. If I don't start a painting, I can't ruin it. See what I mean? I've talked to my best friend about this a bit, who is a writer. It's sometimes the projects that are the very closest to your heart that are the hardest to get started on. You want to do them justice. You want to make them as good as you imagine them being in your mind. Today I pushed through those feelings, and just made the first colors appear on the canvas. I'll keep you guys updated ;) And in the meantime: Just. Get. Started. !

Life update

Umm, wow. My last post was September 4th. Whoops! A quick little life update might be in order. And then I promise a few new kids art lessons are coming very soon, too!

Sooo how to summarize that last 3 months. Since getting back from Madagascar, Ive basically been job-searching, and here's why. While it would be my ultimate ideal to have 50% of my job be teaching kids art, and 50% of my job be painting murals for clients, at this point in my life, I've decided to pursue other paths to meet the same ultimate end-goal: being a full-time creative who gets paid to do creative things. I always hear that you should never, ever "give up on your dreams" and that you should "follow your bliss" and all of that. And in art school, you tend to hear a lot of "don't EVER sell out....man." I would say that one year ago, I was working really, really, hard at making that 50/50 Teacher/Muralist goal work out. And I still want it to happen, maybe someday. So what's changed and why am I job-searching?  I don't know how to put it any other way, other than my biological clock is ticking louder than ever. Ha! I know that at 28, I've still got plenty of time to make that happen. But, I guess I'm just realizing that I CAN still be paid to use my brain and creative energy, and also provide for a kiddo someday.... and have health insurance! As liberating as freelancing is, it wears on you. A stable, reliable paycheck would not be so bad. As fun as it is to work in a lot of different schools for a short amount of time (love the variety and changes of scenery), that wears on me, too. I'm ready for co-workers and a "work-family" that I can get to know, without having to leave them a few weeks later every time. The direction I decided to really pursue, is graphic design. Since learning Photoshop in my high school newspaper class, I've enjoyed the "techie" side of art. I like playing around with fonts and color palettes and arranging content so that it's visually pleasing. I've always made my own business cards and brochures and designed my own websites. That stuff is really fun for me. I didn't really think about bringing it to the forefront until pretty recently. I've done a little freelance work making logos, and the rush I felt, knowing my logo would be all over their printed materials and scrubs and street sign, was awesome.  This is a viable option for me, I realized. I think this will make me happy, too.  What it really boils down to, is that I am an artist who just likes the process of making art, in many different forms. I actually find I am MORE creative when given a set of constraints from a client, rather than creating something out of thin air for myself that can be anything I want it to be in the whole world.  I actually like being a commercial artist. Rarely have my mural projects been 100% concepts that I would choose myself for my own home..... but that's the whole point! My job is to get inside my clients' head and find out exactly what they might not even know they want. And then I make it for them, and it makes them happy. Whether I'm making that thing they want with paint or with a computer mouse, I think it would still be similarly satisfying for me. While that doesn't work for every artist, it works for me.  I'll never, ever stop loving the feeling of pushing paint around a canvas or wall, and if I get a full-time graphic design job, that doesn't mean I'll stop painting. But I won't have the added pressure of having that painting be something that has to make me money. That thought is incredibly liberating. So while it may seem that by working for an employer I will be giving up my freedom, it's actually gaining me a bunch of it, too.  So that's where I am right now... in the midst of job-searching madness, but still teaching and being a design intern at a local company in the meantime. Hoping to have something nailed down soon, but for now, staying busy, having fun, making stuff.

Stay tuned... next post will be more colorful, I promise ;)

- Corie

Art Career Rambling....

So I'm by no means already "making it" as a full-time artist.  I haven't yet "arrived" at the place I want to be with my career.  But, I can say that the last couple months have been busy as hell, and when I pull myself out of my art-cave to take a breather, I realize "hey, I'm not a Barista anymore, and I'm keeping a full schedule on making murals and teaching art!"  I am my own Boss.  That, to me, is an incredible personal victory.  Even though this insane busy-ness has only lasted for a couple months, I'm trying to keep the momentum going and the dream alive and well fed.  I know there will be slower times where I'm not working as much, and times that are even busier than the last month.  I repeat, by no means am I already THERE, but it feels amazing (if it's not too cheesy and cliche to say this...) to know that I am following my heart.   I feel I am on the right path, putting one foot in front of the other.  Along the way,  I think it's important to stop and look around every once in awhile, and appreciate where I've been able to get to thus far.  In this economy, a person is lucky to have a job that keeps food on their table.  I'm lucky enough to be in a situation where I was able to actually pursue my passion, and go to school to study it.  And now, I am in a situation where I don't have any huge debts, child care costs, or bad mortgages keeping me from taking the giant leap to ACTUALLY TRY.  I am actually trying really, really hard.  I'm trying to build a life for myself where I will be happy and fulfilled in my work that I do for a living.  I figure, it will be OK if I fail and have to move onto something else, as long as I know I tried as hard as I could to make my #1 first choice career happen for myself.  Because why not?  If you're in a creative field, check out this article on goal-setting to make your career happen.  It's baby steps.  It's knowing where you want to go, and putting one foot in front of the other until you get there.  Good luck to us all!